Like a Lady: Becoming a Kindred Spirit

“A bosom friend–an intimate friend, you know–a really kindred spirit to whom I can confide my inmost soul" -- L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

Kindred Spirits — what are they? And who are they? 

I feel so honored and immensely blessed to know such friends. But if there is one thing I have learned in having meaningful, sisterhood relationships — a really kindred spirit, it’s that you have to be a kindred spirt before you can attract one.

As Anne Shirley is one of our all-time favorite fictional inspirations, and is the heroine where the theme of “kindred spirits” originated, we’re going to discover what she has to say about being a kindred spirit. It’s important to know that anyone can be a kindred spirit, and Anne would be delighted to show you how.

1. Be on the lookout for new friends, and especially, kindred spirits. 

Whether it be an instant connection like that of Anne and Matthew, “I felt that [Matthew] was a kindred spirit as soon as I ever saw him,”

or having to dig a little deeper, like with Miss Barry, “Miss Barry was a kindred spirit after all…you wouldn’t think so to look at her, but she is. You don’t find it right out at first, as in Matthew’s case, but after a while you come to see it,” — Anne

always have an open mind, open heart, and walk out intentionality with friends and strangers alike - even with the prickly ones. Because many times, kindred spirits come from the most unexpected places.

2. Give of yourself; even when it requires sacrifice.

“I can give Diana half [my chocolate], can’t I? The other half will taste twice as sweet to me if I give some to her. It’s delightful to think I have something to give her” — Anne

Have a generous heart towards people. This is not just with things, but with your time, words, and love. Dote on your friends, because they deserve it! Show them you care in the best ways you know how.

3. Always opt for honesty.

The character Miss Stacey put it perfectly to Anne, "the truth will set you free” — Miss Stacey

The truth will set you free from, really, anything that threatens to divide friendships. In some cases, the words that go unsaid hurt the most. That’s why the Bible instructs us to “speak the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15). Use your words to bring life, speak truth, and to build up. Honesty builds a foundation for trust, and a relationship rich in trust is an unwavering one.

4. Look for the best in others; give your best to them.

“If we have friends we should look only for the best in them and give them the best that is in us, don’t you think?” — Anne

We should always be the loudest voice of encouragement in our friends lives - elevating their strengths and capitalizing their accomplishments. In so doing, we need to offer them the best version of ourselves. They deserve you at your best! I’m not suggesting for you to be fake, but rather to follow the example of Christ of putting others (emotions, feelings, needs) above your own - because people matter to God.

5. Be authentically you.

“Anne never stooped to the petty practices of so many of the Avonlea girls–the small jealousies, the little deceits and rivalries, the palpable bids for favor”

Don’t be anything you’re not, and don’t wish for anything you’re not, for that will certainly stunt a kindred spirit. As the saying goes, you are the best you in the world, and no one can be you - er than you! Just think - if you are not being true to you, then you are depriving someone else of having a kindred spirit.

6. Add value to others. 

“When you look at me in a certain way…I long to be better and wiser and stronger"

Ask yourself this question: when people leave your presence, do they feel better about themselves or about you? Inspire people to become all that God has created them to be. Not because of how great you are, but because of the person and potential you draw out of them.

7. Comparison crushes the soul.

“Anne, there’s one thing in particular I like about you – you’re so ungrudging. There isn’t a particle of envy in you”

Don’t give in to envy - it will eat away at who you are and will always leave you feeling empty and defeated. Instead, empower your sister in Christ to be the best “her” that she can be. Issues of jealously will only bring you both down, so choose to be a women with a genuine spirit, who validates others gifts, callings, and opportunities.

8. Loyalty breeds longevity. 

“Oh, Diana, will you promise faithfully never to forget me, the friend of your youth, no matter what?” — Anne

There is nothing like a faithful friend  - especially amidst adversity. When faced with different seasons of life, and circumstances threaten to dissolve the relationship, such as, a move across the country, going separate ways, the tierney of the time, and even the actions of others, always, always fight for your friendships. 

I’m inspired by my older sister and the friendship she continues to cultivate from one coast to the other. Destiny constantly finds crafty ways to snail-mail music, quotes, art, and thoughtful letters. So be creative, be innovative, and conquer all odds to be that loyal and faithful friend.

9. Be in good practice of vulnerability.

“I thought you liked me of course, but I never hoped you loved me. Why, Diana, I didn’t think anyone could love me. Nobody ever has loved me since I can remember” — Anne

It takes a good measure of bravery to be vulnerable. Admitting to fears, insecurities, and jealousies can be uncomfortable and extremely awkward. It requires vulnerability to expose them and an even greater amount of courage to face what you find. But vulnerability generates honesty, and honesty, trust, and trust…a true confidant.

10. Love with all your heart — and at all times.

“I love you devotedly, Anne…and I always will, you be sure of that” — Diana

The best and final most effective way to cultivate a kindred spirit is to keep the golden rule: love. Loving your neighbor as 

yourself. The book of Proverbs tells us that “a friend loves at all times” (Proverbs 17:17). But Jesus, the ultimate Kindred 

Spirit, took this a step further; He was willing to lay down His life for his friends. After all, that is how Jesus changed the 

world - by living a life of love with twelve very close friends. I want to be that kind of friend. I want to change the world with 

the way I love and befriend others. 

We all want to change the world, make our mark, and leave a legacy in some significant way, so why don’t we do as Jesus 

did and start with our friendships? 

“Kindred spirits are not so scarce as I used to think. It's splendid to find out there are so many of them in the world" 

Sincerely His,

Brianna Jenelle

As a side note, one of our girls, an absolute kindred spirit, just recently got engaged! So, let’s all celebrate Sammie Madison and the God who is faithful to His daughters! We look forward to witnessing all the happiness that awaits what will be the beginnings of a new life and her dream of becoming a wife!