When I was little girl I daydreamed a lot. I played dress up with my friends and we rode bikes pretending they were horses riding off in the wind. What an innocent time. The whole happily-ever-after daydream seemed to be within reach because I thought it was the reality in my own family.
Until my freshman year of high school, my family had the fairy tale thing down pat. We lived in a nice house and we had it all together. We were also deeply engaged in the church and community. I didn’t see it coming. My parents split right before I left on a missions trip. I figured it would be okay; God won’t let anything bad happen to us. I was right he doesn’t “let” things happen. God already warned us that we would have trouble (John 16:33). I just didn’t know that it would hurt so deeply.
As the months went on, the pain grew deeper and the depression got worse. I remember reaching for my phone in one of my classes, searching for someone to text. Someone I could just ask to pray for me. I needed and wanted someone besides my mom and sisters. I needed a friend. As I searched, I noticed I had no one. The loneliness was one of the things that hurt the most. I had friends leave me. One friend even told me I had too many problems and she did not know how to handle it. I found myself very angry at times, mostly at God for letting this happen. I didn’t understand why that girl in Spanish class had a complete family and still got straight As. I hated the fact that my family was no more. No more family 5. When we were kids and a stranger wanted us to go somewhere with them, we would have to ask them the password before we would agree. The password we had all decided on was “family 5”. But that was no more. My shattered dreams were the hardest thing to overcome.
When I was little, I promised myself I would live for God. My times of trial made that a difficult promise to keep. I was determined to continue living for Him even though some days I just wanted to hide under a rock. Almost every day I would say to God: You are going to need to meet me right here because I can’t do this.
A year and a half after my parents' divorce, I realized that the pain and the suffering I struggled with was not the end of the story. Instead, my story was about God comforting me in the middle of that pain. I prayed everyday for God to soften my heart and take away the anger as I struggled with the fact that my dreams were gone. I kept asking God to give me his Grace. But honestly, the main thing I had to do was admit that I needed Him, and then allow Him to work in my life. I learned that I could not have Him do half the work in my heart and me do the other half. I had to let Him do it ALL. My story isn’t about me; it’s about allowing God to do what He wants to in me and through me. It’s about choosing to stand strong in Him even though I had been smacked down by the enemy more times more than you can count.
Of course life is not a fairy tale, but God can and does give us the desires of our hearts. We, ladies, are still the Creator’s princesses even though sometimes we feel alone and we feel pain. All princesses have times of trial, but joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5). His grace is ever lasting and ever comforting.
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